Gluck Gluck 9000 Guide
Gluck Gluck Definition: It is a vacuum seal. Double hand twist Gluck Gluck combo.(Every man’s kryptonite)
“Let me tell you, listen, any girl can give a blow job. It is the accessories that you bring with that blow job that make America great again.”– Alex Cooper
First off, the vacuum seal:
Close your eyes and picture you’re in the Sahara desert and you are parched.
You need water.
You’ve been trapped in this Sahara.
It’s been three days, you need water and his wiener is a big fat gallon of Poland spring water.
So naturally, anybody that is parched, will die to get to that water. They would die for dick at that point. I would die for dick at that point in the Sahara Desert. You will die for that motherfucking dick.
So a blow job has to be you acting like you are about to die for that dick. Listen, if a guy looks down and he sees a girl that’s like, “wonder I’m gonna have for like dinner tonight and like, Oh my God, when is this going to be over? Like, why hasn’t he come yet?”
He’s like, okay, well then here we go. I’m getting soft… Okay, it’s over.
You need to look like I am starving. I am going to die until he literally gives me that gallon of water.
How to upgrade from the Gluck Gluck 3000 to the 9000
So what I’m saying though is for 3000 to 9000, there’s very different levels at which how sloppy are you getting? How crazy you’re getting with your hands? Your hands going in the same motion or are they going in different motions?
3 Key Factors
- The Noises
- When I tell you a noise takes a guy from a 0 to 100 and you like we said you are dying for that dick. Put on a soundtrack of your mouth. Make noise and he will actually come.
- Volume at which the saliva and the sloppiness comes on his penis
- Hand Usage
- The double hand lets him know that piece is ginormous. You gotta hit him with the double hand cuz he’s like god damn my shits big. You have to.
Left hands going right, right hands going left, and we’re switching that shit up and we’re going on the merry go round. motherfuckers. lefty righty sloppy
There is no thing that is considered a blowjob unless it is the sloppiest, wettest, nastiest, thing you’ve ever seen in your life.
Within 24 hours if you do the Gluck Gluck, which I mean you’re double hand twisting, you’re vacuum sealing, you are the sloppiest girl in the room, you will know if you are a 9000 performer or if you’re a 3000 performer. 9000 is like you ramp everything the fuck up it’s like if you’re on a treadmill and you’re at speed 3, I’m like me and my grandma are chillin and at 9, no bitches fucking catching me to the finish line cuz I’m about to make this guy come faster than life.
Gluck Gluck 9000 Aftermath:
- He will start texting you back faster.
- He will randomly hit you with the facetimes.
- He may start to send you a little cute animal emojis in the DMS.
And you know, the guy is literally gonna be like, babe, have you eaten today or should I send you that uber eats?
Alex Cooper’s Disclaimer:
“This is the beginning episode, whatever the Alex Cooper testimony on blow jobs. Here we go.
If you are not sucking your man’s dick, that’s fine. 100% your decision? I respect it. I understand it. However, if you are not, somebody else is.– Alex
Sorry. It’s the truth. Let me just say, no guy is in a committed, faithful, serious relationship and he is abstaining from oral sex. I’m sorry every girl can hate me in America but I’m telling you the truth. I swear to God. You can have great sex. Absolutely. Get down and do your damn thing but a blow job and sex are completely different experiences and you can’t just satisfy one you need to satisfy both.”
Listen to the whole episode right here – Call Her Daddy Episode 3: