Cooch Gobbler Combo

Cooch Gobbler Combo

The Cooch Gobbler combo is the no eye contact, hummingbird, figure eight suction cup.

Do not spread her legs and start going to town. Please. Please for the love of god, educate yourself that’s the first thing you should not do. Men treat it like they just pulled up at the drive thru at In and Out. Ordered the animal style burger and they’re ready to like devour it down. No no no. Listen to me. You’re in a five star restaurant, Michelin star. Okay, there’s wine and you order the charcuterie board. You have artisanal cheeses. You’re gonna sit there. You’re gonna take your time. You’re going to take your time. I’m trying to emphasize when I say that you’re going to start slow, tease her, kisser her inner thigh a little bit. And this might sound counterintuitive, but once you’re actually like, doing the deed on where you need to be, she will finish like 10 times faster because of all this build up. Yeah, the buildup is key.

I know. I’m kind of hearing through the window right now. We’ve never recorded at Barstools. So so like I’m looking at these guys like, please, guys don’t be listening to this. I can see my boss Dave is literally through the window. I’m like, here we go. Dave, I’m about to give it to you straight. Let me just say I mean to just be honest, like fuck it. Here we are. We got the job. Let’s get fired for this shit all right.

Do not go fucking straight for the clit. If you also do not know what the clit is and that’s your first major problem. Do research. Some have a little bit of roof over their head, somewhere a little bit more open and free spirited going around the town hanging out. You got to know what a clit is in order to fucking fulfill that girsl needs.

No Slobbering

Okay moving forward. The figure eight motion with your tongue. Hit that shit like you’ve never hit it before. Make out with it. Do not slobber. The amount of times I would look down at my ex and be like, you look like the dog that just got his bone and he’s going to town with his tongue. It’s so fucking gross.

Hummingbird

So this guy I used to date, would be down there and he would hum a little bit and like the vibration from his mouth would feel so fucking amazing. It was like the craziest thing. Because I think we’ve talked about it. It’s like girls and their vibrator, that shit is like your best friend. And and we’re not trying to discount guys like if you fuck right that’s great. Girls and their vibrator, you can’t fucking match that shit. And that’s something you and I’ve already talked about, like girls bringing in their vibrator with sex. It’s, it literally changes the game. Guys, if you can try in any way to emulate that, like if you can try to get that same type of vibration. It really does change the game for girls because it feels different. So go for that.

Body Language > Moaning

And then can I at least say, I think that guys need to pay attention to body language more so than they do to the moaning. Because we’ve talked about that moaning is such a fucking fraud that we pull off. I feel like especially when you’re first starting to hook up with a guy, girls will just pull up the moaning to be like I want this guy to know that I like him. Moaning is more so just to encourage you and to give you that confidence. When you’re going down on her in the beginning, if she moans, it’s a show. And I know guys like “don’t tell me that”, like my guy friends like I’m holding my ears don’t tell me that she fakes her moans. But it’s true because it’s more so for encouragement. Yeah, once they get started though, then you can start to trust but in the beginning fuck that. So this is a huge point though.

No Eye Contact

Going down on a girl is different than a blowjob. Let’s just be completely honest. It’s so hot. When your girl is giving you head and she looks up at you and you guys make eye contact. We as women do not fucking want you to look up at us. It’s not cute. It is not cute. No, I mean for women. Honestly, it takes 10 times more concentration to finish and so like having to worry about like looking down to the guy and make eye contact and like still look hot for him. Absolutely not. Like fucking, no man. Keep your eyes down. Whistle while you work. Hum while you work and fucking close your eyes. We want to throw our head back, we want to grab the sheet, and focus on how it feels.


Also, I just want to say something, if your job is getting so tired and even if it’s not getting tired, actually no scratch that. Incorporate your hands your fingers because that feels so good too and it helps you out and you can go back and forth like switch it up and then hit her with both of them at the same time. Incredible. No, I’m sure if you’re not doing something with your fingers, then you’re doing something wrong. It’s like if a girl gave you head and never used her hand. Like hello. And then also a public service announcement.


Our clits are very sensitive. Please be careful. Also, if you’re going to suction grip with your mouth. Yeah, that shit is a couple seconds and you’re out. Peace Out.